It’s Friday and I’m in a mood so I am bringing you the top things I rant about on a constant basis (Yes, its another list. I read way too much Buzzfeed. Its a problem.).

1. Places with nonsensical opening hours: At first, I thought it was just the banks that had wonky hours but now I realize, its pretty much everything. You want to register for that German class? Well you can only come between 9-11am on Mondays or 2-4pm on Thursdays. Super convenient for those who work full-time. You want to pick up your driver’s license? Well on Mondays and Fridays, we are open from 7:30-12 then on Tuesdays from 1-3pm. Do not even ask us about being open on Wednesdays or the weekends because that would be ridiculous. You want to get your tickets for Oktoberfest? Our website says we are open until 7pm but when you show up at 5pm, we will already be closed. Because we felt like it, k?

Cool, but like when are you open? Never? Awesome.
2. People who are line cutters: In addition to running, biking, and crossfit, another sport I often engage in is boxing people out in lines. For a country with a reputation for orderliness, you would think the concept of lines would be a no-brainer. False. I cannot tell you how many times people, usually of an older generation, try and cut to the front of the line. I guess their time on Earth is limited and they will not spend it waiting. I get it. I hate lines too. But no cuts, no buts, no coconuts, lady!

Oh hellllllll ner… best get to the back of that line.

3. Simple Things Made Difficult: If there was an Olympic sport for making simple requests or processes difficult, Germany would win the gold every time. I love my adopted country but they really make you work for everything.

Did you just move and need to change your address? Well you need to bring your passport and the original signed lease down to the Citizens Office (Bürgerburo), often having to stand in line before they open at 730am. And do not even thinking of bringing a measly copy of your required documentation. Original versions only…including your college diplomas. We don’t give a funyon that they are currently being displayed in your living room in really nice wooden frames. If you want that visa, you better bust them out.

Honestly, I could provide a lot of examples in this overall category but I have no interest in writing a book.

Because this is what every person wants to be doing at 7:15am…to change their address.
4. Lack of Easy Tear Packaging: If you had to ask me what I miss the most aside from the usual sentiments (family, burritos, etc), it would be the ability to tear into my freakin package of shredded cheese without having to break out my scissors every time. I guess this could have been filed under the previous point but the situation is that dire that it needs to be its own bullet. Please, German packing companies, I implore you to check out the easy tear technology. Your world will be forever changed. I promise.

Pretty sure the J-man wants to get into his package of tortillas quickly just like the rest of us.
5. Doctor Stripteases: So you know how when you go to the doctor and if you have to take your pants or shirt off, they usually give you a plastic or cloth cover-up and let you disrobe in private?  Well, apparently this is not standard procedure here.

My first experience with this was at the gyno (I KNOW). The appointment typically occurs in the the doctors office, which also has the examination table in it. After talking with you for a bit, they tell you to disrobe…but they don’t leave. They stand there and wait for you to depants. So you basically strip for them before walking across the room to the table naked. I always assumed that if I were ever in this situation, I’d at least have $1 bills being thrown at me.

Thinking that may have been only applicable to gynecologists, I had to get a MRI on my knee last summer and again, was asked to take off my pants but given nothing to cover up with. I had the privilege of walking into the cold room with the MRI machine and getting situated in nothing but my t-shirt and underwear. All my goods were just out there and I wasn’t even offered a blanket or cuddle. Rude.

Maybe I need to get used to taking my clothes off for people but disposable robes exist and they are wonderful. That’s all I’m saying.

giphy (1)
You’re welcome, Doc.
Minor Disclaimer: If you have ever read any other post on here, you know that I love living here and pretty much everything about it. So I hope you understand the spirit in which the above was written in. 🙂 

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Uncle T says:

    Ask them who won WW II. Have you learned. Back of the line butthead in German yet😎

    Liked by 1 person

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